Help Me: I Fell Into A Rabbit Hole and Ended Up in Korea!
admin August 12th, 2007
Dear Kristel and Lauren,
Karma has bitchslapped me into reality faster than this Internet connection. In my foolish youth, making fun of Koreans was my favorite hobby. You see them in droves along Katipunan and you can’t help but chuckle. Life was good.
Now I’ve found myself dating Koreans. The first one went horribly botched up, and the second one is well on that way, too. What to do, what to do. I have caught the yellow fever.
The thing is, the last one, well I really do like him. But I know it’s pointless to go down that road, when I know that he’ll be leaving in a couple of months. As if that isn’t a clear enough sign not to pursue it, I have been giving the strangest signs of discouragement, which if he knew me at all (doubtful, given the Language Barrier that used to be so golden) would only tell him ‘go! Go! Sweep me off my feet! I like you tooooo!!!~’ What is wrong with me, Lauren and Kristel? Why are repulsion and denial my first defense mechanisms?
Yours Truly,
Fucking Korean GRO
Kristel says:
Hello FKG! Thanks for the very descriptive letter. Well, first and foremost, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. Koreans are cute, but I like Japanese men better.
From what I see, there seems to be a sudden change of perspective. Remember that song by Semisonic, Fascinating New Thing? Well I guess it’s pretty much the same for yo. You like them because they’re new, and they managed to worm their way into your consciousness.
As for your issues, hon, you sending out the wrong signals indicate a strong need to be the person in control of the “relationship”, or in your case, unfortunately the “non-relationship”. It leads me to the conclusion that you’re either (a) pakipot, (b) afraid of rejection, and (c) practicing self-preservation.
I really don’t understand why women are too pakipot. I’m not saying that women should be the “chaser” in the relationship, but I’m saying that you should already know what kind of signals you’re giving him. When you’re playing coy, make sure the other party is catching on. Otherwise, you’d just end up driving your guy away. And considering the fact that you have the issue of a language barrier going on, that just makes playing coy a pretty stupid move.
Play coy or be pakipot if the guy isn’t dense or torpe. Otherwise, risk losing him completely.
As for possibility (b), your fear of rejection is something a lot of women have. Ever heard of the saying “Leave before you’re left?” That’s the perfect example of the fear of being rejected. I hate to sound like a cliche but unless you take some risks, you can be sure that your current Korean prospect would go kaput! Just like the first one.
Now I hope to God you fit into category (c) and that it’s all a matter of self-preservation. Honey, stop complicating matters for yourself. Unless you have plans of following your boy to Korea or he has plans of staying in the Philippines or coming back to you, it’s pretty much a lose-lose situation. I think you know it’s going to be very difficult for you guys if you do end up together and he would have to leave you in a couple of months. Don’t get me wrong, there are some couples that can “tough it out” and maintain a long-distance relationship. But the hesitation in your part indicates that you’re not sure if YOU can. I think it’s a brave move for you to pull away while you both still don’t have too much emotional investment going on.
I really don’t think there’s anything wrong with you per se but if this happens again, and to a guy who’s bound to disappear in a few months, give us a holler and we shall re-diagnose you.
Lauren Says
Before anything else, your pseudonym rocks. 
As for the reason why you’re behaving this way - I’m gonna go with Possibility C that Kristel just mentioned. You yourself said that repulsion and denial are your first defense mechanisms because you don’t want to take the plunge and risk getting hurt. Clearly this is an act of self-preservation.
It’s smart of you to choose self-preservation because I don’t believe long-distance relationships work. Not to mention that this one will be especially complicated due to the language and cultural barrier. Just remember that the signals you’re sending (repulsion and denial) is coming across to your boy as a sign to back off. So if he doesn’t seem interested in you, it’s because you’re acting like you don’t want him around in the first place. He’s not a mind reader nor does he know you well enough to know that “Go away!” means “Stay with meeee!” (Seriously, I don’t get this strange female behavior. Why can’t go away just mean go away? See, this is probably the reason why some men think no means yes. Women, could you please just mean what you say and avoid complicating matters further!?)
If I were you, I’d keep going out with these Korean boys while they’re still learning English or doing whatever it is Koreans do in the Philippines. Life is short and time flies by quickly, so you may as well have your fun while you can.
So are any of your Korean guy friends single, and are they cute?
You girls sure know how to put things in perspective. I had a Korean girlfriend back in college. She looked like Lisa Loeb and she doesn’t have armpit hairs. You know, the kind that would put any man to shame. I’ve seen hairs on them Korean women’s pitts and I honestly gagged the first time I did. So bushy and auburn coloured. Going back, it was only natural for us to break up. I learned to read and write in Hankuk, though, the term they call the Korean language. If that relationship wasn’t a learning experience, I don’t know what is. Free foreign language lessons, baby! Woot!
I look Korean and I’m hot. We could go on a date and eat kimchi the whole night. hook me up with your digits.
What, just because we’re referencing Koreans automatically the conversation goes into kimchi? That’s fucking racist dude. Eat kimchi the whole night… could you be any more lamer? Haha!