No Girly Drama

admin October 14th, 2007

Kudos to The Fourth Baudelaire for being the first ever guy to write us! Hope our response helps you sort things out.

Hey Kristel and Lauren,

Great site you got running here! The letter you’re reading now is from a guy – just so you know. Now that we got that out of the way, let me begin.

Yes, I do check out your site every now and then just to see what’s up. I love hearing your side of things. And I’d sure love to hear what you guys have to say about this little problem of mine.

How do you tell someone you like her if she’s totally in love with someone else? Do I even tell her of my true feelings for her?

I’ve known this girl for months now. And I’ve been crazy for her for just as long. Problem is, she’s feeling the same way for someone else. It’s a damn love triangle. But there’s a twist! The girl doesn’t know that there is a triangle, and the guy, well, probably doesn’t know what a triangle is. Yeah, I’m bitter – I know.

Under normal circumstances I would have just stepped back and watched the two hit it off. I’m not a push-over. It’s just that I don’t like complications. I HATE love triangles. I’d rather watch the girl I like go with another man than get myself involved in some sort of situation where I’d end up losing anyway.

It’s different this time, though. This girl I couldn’t get enough of. I haven’t been this happy and hurt since that time back when I was a kid. I couldn’t sleep thinking of her. I couldn’t get over the fact that the guy likes her and she also likes the guy. I’m being left out of the story as days go by.

But it’s not all bad. She’s treating me like a good friend should. At least I’m getting some love back – even though it’s not the kind of love I was hoping to get in return.

And the fact that she’s working so close to me isn’t helping. It’s driving me nuts! Just when I’m trying to move myself away, she’ll pop up.

I know at this point she has her own problems. I on the other hand had made HER my problem. Friends had told me this isn’t going to work out. And they’re probably right like they always are. There’s no escaping how I feel for her though. Despite everything I’ve said, I’m still not going to tell her. Maybe I will in the near future but not now.

I am curious however as to what you guys have to say about this. Maybe you could convince me to blurt it out now. I highly doubt that. For some reason I think you guys would be taking the same side as that of my friends. And like them you’d probably tell me to go out with other people for this isn’t going to work.

Oh well, I guess it’s never safe to assume so much. For all I know you guys could be proving me wrong or may have another say on the issue. I hope to hear back from you guys.

Kristel Says:

Hi The Fourth Baudelaire! First things first, thanks for the letter. It’s great to know a good number of guys actually take the time to visit and read through the articles in No Girly Drama. Anyways, back to your problem. (WARNING: not going to mince my words)

For some weird reason, I’m feeling a lot like Rupert Everett’s so-gay-and-posh-I’m-sweating-glitters-on-Armani character in My Best Friend’s Wedding, George Downes. This makes YOU Julia Roberts. I know you’re a dude, but I’m totally not going to believe you when you insist that you’ve never seen that flick. Anyways, you know that scene when Julianne (Julia Roberts’ Character) was chasing Michael who was chasing Kimi? She called George up and the scene goes:

George: Michael’s chasing Kimmy?
Julianne: Yes!
George: You’re chasing Michael?
Julianne: YES!
George: Who’s chasing you? … Nobody… get it?

We’ll stop there. I’m sure you already get the point. Your little love triangle with her, isn’t really a love triangle…and I’m sure you already know this. You’re being pushed out of the picture because you were never really in the picture to begin with. Or maybe you were, or maybe you will be, but right now, if there’s something between the girl and the other guy and you’re feeling left out in the story, well that’s basically because it’s THEIR story, not yours and the girl’s.

Point 2: Why is it that your friends think the whole thing with the girl won’t work out? Your friends are only basing their judgment on what you tell them. If they think that it’s not going to work out, then perhaps it’s only because you yourself, subconsciously or consciously (whichever), already acknowledge the fact that it’s not going to work out right now. Maybe in the future you can make your move, but if she’s already in a pseudo-relationship or if she’s made her decision to like someone other than you, well then you’d just have to step back for now.

Look, it happens to the best of us. I always believe that everything happens for a reason. It may sound stupid or too optimistic, but the way I see it, it’s either she’s not the one (meaning it just wasn’t suppose to happen) or it’s not the time. I’m sure you’re a great guy, but sometimes, you just have to learn how to let go. You can’t choose who to like, but you can choose to pull away when you feel like the whole thing is futile.

Point 3: When you say that she always pops up when you try to move away, does that mean she insists on meeting up with you even when you decline? Or is it more like: she invites you and you can’t say no. There’s a huge difference there. It could be because you still believe you can win her over by being there for her and being her friend, but her treating you like a good friend only indicates that she sees you as a good friend, and just that.

It’s not that she doesn’t like you, or that she would never like you, it’s just that she has someone else to think about right now. In a more optimistic light: she’s currently preoccupied.

Point 4: On telling her how you feel, what do you expect to gain from it? Are you prepared to face the possible consequences?

By telling her that you like her, are you expecting she’d realize she likes you too and go for you instead of the current guy she’s seeing? If you decide to tell her how you feel with this mindset, then prepare to shatter. The thing with girls is that you have to wait for them to come around on their own. By pressing the issue or by going in with high expectations, you’re really just setting yourself up for heartbreak.

However, if you’re going to tell her you like her, just to get it out of your chest, then I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m all for honesty for the sake of honesty, but don’t expect anything more to come out of it. By telling her you like her, you run the risk of ruining the friendship that you two already have.

If she’s a level-headed girl, then you can be assured that the friendship would remain, but you can’t expect things to be the same after your big “confession.” On the other hand, why would you want things to remain the same?

Decide on telling her or not telling her you like her, based on how much you’re willing to risk. Then tell us about it. Hope that helped.

Lauren Says:

Aw man, it looks like Kristel already said everything my slow, Sunday morning brain can think of.

I’ll tell you this though. It seems to me that the girl of your heart’s desires is clearly not interested in you romantically because she’s preoccupied with chasing after the guy who doesn’t even know what a triangle is. That should already be enough indication for you to back off and move onto the next one. Instead, you chose to make her a problem by chasing after her even though things between you and the girl are clearly one-sided.

I suggest that you keep your distance from her, see other girls you might actually have a chance with, and try not to spend too much time with this girl until you get back down from cloud nine. I know you probably think this chick is perfect–our ideas and ideals make us amazingly blind to the reality right in front of our eyes. But if you keep chasing after her, you’ll only waste so much time and energy that could have been spent doing better things.

Forgive me for not being so eloquent. It’s a Sunday morning and I’m still recovering from the crazy long weekend.

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